5 Things I’m leaving in the trash in 2019
I believe in balance. In some ways, I’m extra AF, in some ways I’m a minimalist. This, for me, is balance. So when December rolls around and folks start making grand proclamations about good riddance to the past year and allll the things they’re going to make happen for the new year, my eyes get to rolling around too.
I know a lot of folks vow to lose weight at the start of a new year, and though I am included for Jan 2020 (these 15 lbs are not invited to my birthday party in April!) I’m talking about emotional weight. Metaphorical weight. There are small habits and actions that add weight to our soul a little at a time and pull on us day by day. I’m putting a stop to that right now. December 31, 2019 the following 5 nasty habits are going right in the trash, and I invite you to join me in ditching them for good.
That sucks. That’s gonna hurt tomorrow. OMG he’s so drunk! He’ll be hungover. She’s too fat for those shorts, that looks uncomfortable. Does any of this sound familiar? These kind of passive judgement statements on situations that don’t concern us are like slowing down to look at a traffic accident. It helps no one and slows you down.
I’ve been hyper aware of ‘observational negativity’ ever since I heard the term on an episode of Top Chef and it just stuck with me. It never had a name before! I’m not usually guilty of this, but I’ve found myself doing it lately just as a way of commiserating, or to have something to add to idle water cooler conversation.
Don’t get me wrong, snap judgments are essential to human survival. Dark alley? NOPE. Does that ladder look safe to walk under? NOPE. We need to be able to make snap judgments to keep safe and assessing everyone else’s business takes up valuable real estate in that decision making area of our brains. So I’m done wasting brain space with this. Does it suck that the cashier at Target is working on Christmas Eve? Maybe. But maybe s/he doesn’t celebrate, or is away from family and could use that time and half. (been there! 🙋♀️) I don’t know. So unless someone is giving me specific information and I am helping work through something, I’ll be over here, minding my business.
I want to do all the things. All the time. It’s just my natural state of being. I want to learn new skills and have new experiences and I never want to miss out on an opportunity for either. I want the same for those around me. So I have a tendency to jump in and assist whether I’ve been asked to or not. I hate asking for help and assume that others do too. So I don’t wait for a cue, I just HELP! If someone (that I like) says within earshot: ‘I’d love to take an art class someday’, I’m already looking up six different kinds of classes and comparing our schedules. Let’s take that class! I want you to learn to art! I will art with you!!
Then when the time for classes rolls around I am exhausted because in the excitement of the moment, I forgot that I have 76 other social and professional commitments that month. 😫 My choices are then bail, or stretch myself a little thinner and go. Either way, it’s not the best experience. I’m choosing quality over quantity in 2020. Hope to see you there.
I’m not going to stop overthinking everything…That’s just not possible. You have to know your limits in life. But things that have already happened? I can commit to leaving those alone. It happened. There’s nothing I can do to change that. If i feel I was wronged, or did something wrong, all I can do now is work to correct it. Thinking about something that’s already happened is a waste of precious time. . .unless I am figuring out how to build a time machine. BUT, I’ve seen enough episodes of The Flash to know that’s not a way to fix things.
Let’s turn our energy toward action. If a situation is still weighing on you days, weeks, months later, put. it. down. Express your feelings to the other party and move on. Give an apology if you need to. Otherwise, leave it in the past and make note of what you will change in the future. That’s the best we can do. We’re only human.
I know a little about a LOT of things. That’s not a bad place to be. Yet when I’m asked if I speak any other languages, or know how to edit audio, I shrink a little and my answer is always ‘not very well’. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling boastful when speaking candidly about my skills or accomplishments. Even places I’ve been or experiences I’ve had. I am always mindful first to sound humble, then to fill in a few facts.
DONE. I’m leaving that nonsense answer in 2019. Yeah, I can edit audio well enough to publish a podcast! Doesn’t sound good to you? Too bad. I DID that! Yeah, I speak enough of 3 additional languages to navigate around a city and at least order some coffee. That’s pretty fly and I’m excited about it. I’m through feeling like because I don’t have complete mastery of a skill or subject, it isn’t worth mentioning. Celebrate small accomplishments!
Tomorrow is promised to no one. I think the people around me know how much I love and cherish them. . . . .but do they? I have referred to my family as a battalion. We will love you…..to death. We battle for the best in life for ourselves and for each other and it’s glorious to have a support system like that.
I’m also lucky enough to have a friend group that says ‘I love you’ quite freely. I love my crew for so many reasons. In the laser light show that is my life, I appreciate every colored beam and flashing light for what it brings to the show. I should be telling those beams how they light up my day. I know they know…..but it’s so nice to hear it.
This past year, I met a fellow Aries (several actually. shoutout to the Sunshine & Shade crew!) who said such specific and mood-boosting things to me on a weekly basis that I honestly feel it made me, more me. She really made me feel like my true self was appreciated in my most basic, fiery, form and I need to pay that forward. So no more “I’m here for you”. My closest friends and family will be hearing “I’ve got your back you screaming catherine wheel of a human being. You rage as hard as you need to, I will listen”. . . . .or affirmations of that sort.
I’m going to stay me. No grand sweeping declarations. Just a quiet resolution to get the most out of life, a little at a time.
New year. Same bitch. Better Skin.